Breaking the Silence Miryam Kabakov Executive Director- TBCY

Miryam Kabakov, Executive Director & Co-Founder of Eshel, on Supporting LGBTQ+ Orthodox Jews

Lisa Lipkin introduces the episode with personal anecdotes about secrets—both lighthearted and heavy—and highlights the burden of keeping one’s identity secret in Orthodox communities.
Miryam Kabakov explains the emotional and physiological toll of concealing an LGBTQ+ identity and how Eshel serves as a lifeline for those unable to speak their truth openly.

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Overview

In this moving episode of The Brand Called You, Lisa Lipkin sits down with Miryam Kabakov, Executive Director and Co-Founder of Eshel, to explore the complex intersection of LGBTQ+ identity and Orthodox Judaism. Their conversation delves into secrets, spiritual belonging, and the power of community support. Below are key questions and takeaways from their impactful exchange:

00:00 -Types and Impacts of Secrets

Lisa Lipkin introduces the episode with personal anecdotes about secrets—both lighthearted and heavy—and highlights the burden of keeping one’s identity secret in Orthodox communities.
Miryam Kabakov explains the emotional and physiological toll of concealing an LGBTQ+ identity and how Eshel serves as a lifeline for those unable to speak their truth openly.

04:21-Challenges of Being Gay in Orthodox Judaism

Miryam Kabakov contextualizes the unique difficulties faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in Orthodox communities, including the risk of rejection, family estrangement, and economic hardship.
The discussion touches on pressures of arranged marriages, secrecy as a survival mechanism, and the growing number of young people seeking guidance before major life events.

06:47-The Stakes of Secrecy

Miryam explains the consequences of disclosure: being ostracized, losing access to children, or being cut off from community and livelihood.
Modern Orthodox communities are evolving, where coming out remains challenging but less likely to result in total exclusion.

10:17-LGBTQ+ Issues in Jewish Texts, Especially for Women

Lisa Lipkin asks about biblical texts: lesbianism is not explicitly referenced, whereas male homosexuality is.
Miryam shares rabbinic perspectives, including those of Maimonides, and how these interpretations affect the perception and stigma of women versus men.

13:25-Core Jewish Values Supporting Inclusion

Miryam highlights teachings on family unity, health, and belonging, emphasizing that exclusion contradicts fundamental Torah principles.
Eshel supports parents through retreats, peer connections, and education to prevent unnecessary loss of parent-child relationships.

17:37-Miryam Kabakov’s Personal Journey

She shares her coming-out process, challenges with parental acceptance influenced by societal and religious attitudes, and her gradual path to family support.
Authenticity and enduring love for Orthodox tradition are central to her story.

23:20-Dialogue with Orthodox Rabbis

Eshel’s “Welcome to Shul Project” engages hundreds of Orthodox rabbis across North America.
Miryam explains successes and challenges in making communities visibly inclusive and the nuanced forms that “welcome” can take.

RESOURCES:

Learn more about Miryam Kabakov: LinkedIn

Enjoyed this podcast?

Keeping a secret can be exhausting, says Miryam Kabakov. It wears you down, affects your soul, and often isolates you from family or community. Share your thoughts in the comments to spread these insights.

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Lisa Lipkin introduces the episode with personal anecdotes about secrets—both lighthearted and heavy—and highlights the burden of keeping one’s identity secret in Orthodox communities.
Miryam Kabakov explains the emotional and physiological toll of concealing an LGBTQ+ identity and how Eshel serves as a lifeline for those unable to speak their truth openly.