Gita Vemparala, Divorce and Transition Coach
Hiscox is a leading $2.5B international insurance carrier with a $600M US-based operation offering P&C insurance.
We have heard many people say that marriage is the most beautiful relationship in the world. However, it is not as beautiful for some people and they decide to come out of it. This is neither wrong nor right. It is just the need of the hour. It is not easy for two people in a marriage to get separated. Our guest for today, Gita Vemparala, talks to us on this subject in detail. Gita is a divorce and transition coach. She also coaches for relationship issues and other life issues.
What made Gita leave her corporate career and start on her own?
Giving a brief about her life, Gita tells us that she wanted to be a social worker when she was a teenager, but life had different plans for her. She got married while she was an undergraduate and left for the US with her husband. There she completed her master’s. From there she volunteered for many NPOs. She further tells us that she has been through divorce twice and understands the problems in a relationship well enough. So she wanted to help women who were experiencing what Gita has experienced or women who were in the middle of a divorce or were experiencing post-divorce trauma. To pursue this, she went to a coach who helped her do this as a full-time job. Then she got trained and certified as a life coach. She further talks about how spirituality helped her in life and leave the corporate world and pursue her passion. She considers herself a fledging spirituality practitioner. Spirituality increased her awareness which gave her the push she needed in life.
The decision of divorce and related challenges.
Gita tells us that when two people enter a marriage, they are expecting happiness from that relationship. So when the trouble starts in a marriage, both of the individuals get into a state of confusion. They struggle to decide whether to keep the relationship or to file for a divorce. The major reason for that could be children. Taking a decision for finance is also very difficult and proves to be a major challenge while thinking about a divorce.
At what stage does an individual decide on giving up on a relationship?
As the state of confusion continues, it takes a lot of time for a person to make a firm decision. But Gita tells us that a time comes when one finds that one has completely lost oneself. This is when the individual decides to give up on a relationship.
How does Gita support the people who have come for a divorce?
Gita tells us that it takes a lot for a couple to agree to a divorce. They have already been through a lot before coming to her. She says that whenever a couple comes to her for divorce coaching, it is clear to her that they are in a very challenging situation. The most important thing at that time in Gita’s opinion is emotional well-being. She advises couples to take care of their mental health.
Should there be a checklist that a person should prepare before getting into a relationship?
Gita tells us that preparing a checklist and discussing it with your to-be partner might help to some extent. With that, you can have an open conversation with your partner what are your expectations from the marriage. It might help in the conversations later to some extent. However, it doesn’t guarantee anything because change is eternal and everyone changes with time and their expectations change too.
How does a family play its role when two individuals decide to separate?
Gita says that there are people who get divorced without the consent of families but they have more pressure on them that way. She says that family especially parents, plays a great role in a divorce decision. They might not know what to say or how to help, but should tell their kids that they are there with them and they do not need to worry about anything.
With her own experience, she tells us that she could tackle the post-divorce stress due to the support of her family and a few good friends.
If I were to put my life in a nutshell – it has consisted of building beautiful relationships at various stages. This sounds very ironic considering I have been married twice and divorced the same number of times. I have allowed my divorces to neither define me nor my life. The “out of this world” friendships I have made so far at various stages of my life are something to write home about! They have helped me be ME at all times with no pretenses, no expectations for me to be someone I am not.
Relationships (present and past) constantly remind me of who I am, why I am here – my purpose here. Being on the other side (post-divorce) has made me realize how much of ME got buried deep during my marriages.
Born into a middle-class family to loving parents, I had a happy childhood. My dad has been my source of inspiration. Mom, patient and kind, has been the backbone of the family- keeping the extended family together even during tough times. Although we didn’t have much growing up, my parents never allowed their financial problems to dampen the spirit in our home and they always had something to give to those in need. Our (my brother’s and mine) friends loved to chat for hours with my parents even when we were not home. In fact, I think they preferred we weren’t home when they visited.
Although I was full of josh to speak up against social evils such as dowry, treatment of widows, to campaign for the adoption of orphans, Life had different plans for me. Today, even to me, this sounds like a lame excuse for not following my heart.
Despite the fire burning inside me, life went into autopilot for a while. I got married in my final semester of engineering and went to the US in 1990 immediately after graduating with a bachelor’s degree in Chemical Engineering. I completed my Master’s in Chemistry, started working a job. I have two lovely children, a 26-year-old daughter, and a 23-year-old son.